I was working a lot of hours to make ends meet and had no support from the father of this baby. I asked myself how fair is it to raise a baby without a father and working a ton of hours. I realized the daycare provider would be raising the baby not me. I then explored adoption. Opening the phonebook, I started calling phone numbers and was baffled by how many there were...

I came upon Adoption Miracles and they offered to come to my home and speak with me. I felt the weight being lifted off my shoulders. We interviewed and I eventually was shown profiles of prospective adoptive parents. When Karla, Frank, and I met, there was an immediate connection. The love and concern they conveyed to me and for each other were obvious and immediate. They naturally were concerned with the fact that I could change my mind at any minute. They voiced their concern and showed genuine concern about my feelings and mental state with this decision. We became, I feel, very close. I felt and witnessed the love they had for me and for the baby. The day of the delivery of our peanut, I really wanted Karla there so she could tell him all about the day he was born. Karla was a trouper. Peanut was 6lbs. 12oz. and absolutely perfect. The fear, love, and wonderment on Karla’s face were none less than a first time mother. Then Frank came in to meet his new son. He grabbed him up with a tear in his eye, the proud father he finally was. The silent promises Frank and Karla made with just a look. The love Frank was giving peanut as he held him and gave him his first feeding and rocked him. I knew I had made the right choice in parents. I spent the first 24 hours with peanut and literally, this was the hardest decision I have ever been faced with. A decision purely out of love for peanut. And love for the two most wonderful people I ever met in my life. Frank is a rock. A rock of stability and genuine concern for everyone. There are a lot of emotions on the day you place your child and the parents. The parents I chose saw my pain and they hurt too. They did not want to see me hurt. Even though this was the happiest day of their life. I know they are wonderful and deserving, but that doesn’t make it easier. Frank literally held me up and reassured me on how much they already loved peanut. Karla through her tears promised me that she would love and protect our son. I left him in good hands. It does not take away the pain. But what makes it bearable is knowing peanut will not be raised in daycare. He will have an at home mom. Knowing that the love and stability the parents I chose will give him stability the rest of his life. He will go to college. He will have a mom and a dad. And of course he will always have me if he ever needs me. Frank and Karla know I am but a phone call away. For those of you who have children already… I have two boys who have gone through this with me; one is 19 and in college and the other is 10 years old. My 10 year old was raised without a father and he knows first hand now why I made this decision. The three of us sat down and talked and made this decision together. At first I was not going to tell my 10 year old everything. We had explained it like a surrogacy, but at about 8 months, I sat him down and let him be apart of the decision. We told him all about the adoption and what would happen to peanut. My boys support me 110% in this and yes we hurt. Yes you ache to your very soul. Your heart is in pain, but we know that the three of us have given the gift of life out of unselfishness and pure love to the three of them. Two families united and connect forever by one love…one peanut.